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Like many of us, I am preparing to create my 2016 New Year’s Vision. Although grounded with intentions and resolutions, I am leaping this year or “wing walking”, as my dear friend Lise calls it. Moving from one plane to the next. And my 2016 Vision guides me through the tumultuous waves of life over the upcoming year. This year, I am moving from one plane (working in not for profits) and being to another (entrepreneurial business). And I need to learn what what I can directly change (or will) and what I cannot (surrender).
The paradox of will and surrender.
What is within my capacity to change and what is not? And how do I know? Sometimes it’s helpful to create a plan, march forward, pull your socks up, follow up with the plan and do the next right thing. We are all familiar with this one. (Our society trains us well in this capacity).
Ahh, but here’s the rub. Sometimes I cannot make something happen, no matter how much I want to. Then I fight with myself (or you!) when what I really need to do is to completely surrender to the moment and allow what needs to happen to just be.
How do I know the difference between when to make it happen and when to surrender?
My primary vision for 2016 is to build my Life Coaching business to the next level (Action Steps: direct mail, renting an office, building clientele base). But I also want to build my capacity to discern the difference between letting something happen and making something happen. So I’m not forcing, demanding, like a tyrannical child, but leaping and allowing the grace of spirit to guide me while still doing the do things.
Because occasionally my fear catches my throat and belly with a jerking, thudding sensation that takes away my breath. Wing walking scares me!! I’m leaving the wing of the plane of working in not for profits for my whole career and stepping onto the wing of the plane of entrepreneurship in my own business as a Life Coach.
And I’m familiar with the determination and focus where I hone my bright intellect and create a plan (see above!!) and follow through with the details. I can do that! And I feel in control, too. But yikes. There’s another way, I know it, where I can stay steady and follow through, own the fear, (not deny it because then I try to force it), and allow the surrender.
Dr. Leslie Farber explores the paradox of what we can and cannot directly will in The Ways of the Will (2000). He calls it “two realms of will”:
Directly Will: knowledge, pleasure, congratulations, reading/listening, meekness, going to bed, dryness
But not: wisdom, happiness, admiration, understanding, humility, sleep, sobriety
When we confuse the two realms of what you can make happen and what you can’t, Dr. Farber says, we create a vicious circle of trying to control what cannot be controlled and descend into anxiety and, often, the madness of addiction.
Willfulness and willingness, magic and miracle: what’s the difference?
Learning to know, deeply within my soul and bones, when to use my freedom as a human being to make a choice and when to surrender, allowing what needs to happen to be. This requires a subtle discernment. Letting go of the wilfulness of trying to make magic, and allowing the miracle to unfold, in this moment, creates increased peace and serenity (from The Spirituality of Imperfection, 1992)
I am willing to wing walk, willing to leap into the unknown with as much surrender as possible in the moment of leaping, while holding my fear close to my belly, trusting in resilience and the mystery of this one “wild and precious life”, as Mary Oliver says.
If you create your 2016 Vision, perhaps with resolutions and intentions, as I do, invite the knowingness of both what you can directly will and what you cannot will to guide you in this upcoming year.
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