Change: How do I know what I can and can’t change?

When I created my 2017 New Year’s Vision and resolutions, I was carving out the intention to change. But I realized that I don’t always know what I can change and what I can’t.

The Serenity Prayer reminds me to think about the difference.

Here’s the truth: I was way too busy last year and want to change that.

There’s lot of good reasons for being too busy: building my new business, setting up classes, studying, connecting with family and friends, meditating, working out, etc. Many of you know the richness and fullness of life.

But how do I actually change this feeling (or reality…) of being “too busy”? I know I’m not alone on this journey of seeking increased quietness and peace. This over-busyness is like a societal mental illness that haunts many people. (David explores this peculiar issue in his wonderful article, Never Enough Time, at Raptitude.com)

So, back to my question:

How do we know what is within our capacity to change and what is not?

As a life coach passionately committed to supporting self and others through change and as a feminist and social activist committed to political change, it’s helpful to discern the diference. When do I sit quietly in meditation, how do I help to build awareness and action for change in others and when do I fight and take political action?

So when I came across this delightfully clear description in The Spirituality of Imperfection (1992), based on the psychologist Dr. Farber’s work, I wanted to share it with you

Dr. Farber states in The Ways of the Will (1966) that when we confuse the two realms of what we can make happen and what we can’t, it starts a vicious circle of trying to control what cannot be controlled. This can descend into the madness of addiction, he says. Thus the Serenity Prayer was written and used all over the world in 12 step programs as a call to sanity and recovery.

Being willful or willing: So I have a 2017 call to action for you, similar to Gandhi’s years ago: Learn to know, deep in your bones, what the difference is between forcing or allowing change; fighting or inviting change; and being willful or willing when change is called for.

What I do know is that when I’m too busy, I cannot discern the difference between those things. Instead, I plow ahead, “willy-nilly”, as my mom used to say. This subtle yet significant distinction requires a quiet attention and presence of mindfulness.

I invite you to join me in creating or adding to your vision for the upcoming year.

Vision for 2017

I resolve to invite increased attention and presence to know more deeply

what I can directly will and what I cannot,

to guide me to create internal and external change